You hate your retail job, I get it.
You either wake up at an ungodly time in the morning, or you struggle to pull yourself out of bed before noon. Either way, you literally have to force your terribly fitting uniform on and remind yourself constantly, on the way in, that your boring job does not define you.
Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re wrong. If you’re in your twenties and are currently working full-time in a boring retail job – then you are boring.
It can be easy to get trapped in a repetitive cycle. You work, sleep, eat, drink – rinse and repeat. Sometimes you get the order wrong and you’re a little bit drunk in work, but no one cares, because your job is meaningless and anyone can stack shelves (regardless of how many WKDs they had with lunch).
Compiled here are 6 things you could do instead of your boring retail job.
If you’re stuck in a rut and you can feel time slipping your fingers, why not bet on yourself and take a leap of faith with one of these (only slightly) off-the-wall ideas.
Become An Ebay Wizard
Founded in 1995, if you haven’t heard of eBay then you don’t deserve the screen you’re reading this on. Throw it on the floor and smash it with a rock. Find a rock on the floor and use that as a phone – you neanderthal.
Anyone can sell anything on eBay. Furniture, books, CDs, electronics. If you’re anything like me, you’ve got at least 20kg of trash that you don’t want but can’t be bothered to throw away. Take that trash and make some money out of it. Take the money you make from the trash and buy some slightly nicer trash to sell for a higher price.
Before you know it, you’ll be an eBay mogul and Pierre Omidyar himself will be asking for your business card.
Buy An Oven Cleaning Franchise
Stop work for the man, man. Go out on your own and buy a franchise from a big corporate business that knows how to make some God damn money.
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just save up a few months’ paychecks, eat rice and peas until you vomit, then fork out the five grand and get set on your road to riches. Setting up a cleaning business is a sound option. Cleaning is easy, we all know how to do it – and there’s hundreds of punters out there who, like us, really can’t be bothered doing it.
Go On Benefits And Write A Box-Office Smash
Who needs a job anyway? Thousands of British people choose to be unemployed every year: at this point its essentially a lifestyle choice.
Its a relatively simple, streamlined process to adhere to. Throw your notice in, leave some incriminating evidence in a hated colleague’s locker and burn your uniform. Now, call up the lovely government, they’ll allocate your a Job Seekers helper and you can start your journey to an Academy Award by using the rest of your time to write a jaw-dropping screenplay.
It might take a couple of years to nail down the right concept, finding an agent to represent you might well be a challenge. But it will all be worth in 10 years time when you’re naked in a jacuzzi, slurping down a drug cocktail with Johnny Depp.
Learn How To Code And Make Become A Games Developer
Code surely can’t be that hard to learn. Children learn it at school when they’re 6. You’re in your twenties, you might not have learnt anything new since you went through that phase of watching documentaries on Netflix, but you’re no where near old dog standards yet.
A whole world of knowledge is at your fingertips (if you hadn’t heard of eBay, then its smashed to pieces by your feet), use it! YouTube and Reddit are your friends, as well as your worst enemies in the form of distractions (we’re looking at you cat videos), so get settled in for a long road of learning.
Once you know your CSS from your Unity, and your pixel shaders from your GUIs then its time to design a simple yet effective indie game that takes the Steam Market by storm. Give it time, you’ll get there someday.
Move Back In With Your Parents And Study At The Open University
You can always go home, that’s what they said when you left. Just go back home, its not like any of your mates live around there any more. Mum can make you Sunday lunch, Dad can shout at the television and you can enroll in the Open University and get the degree that will jump start your career.
Take the money you’ve saved from your last three pay checks, and throw it into a last ditch effort to get educated. Do Archaeology, Maths, History – anything.
Once you’ve ‘graduated’ you can start applying for some real jobs, move out, meet the partner of your dreams, settle down, buy a house, get married, have kids, get old and die.
Scratch Enough Money To Travel To India And Work There For The Rest Of Your Life
OK, this is a little out there – but just go with me on this one.
You’re average one-way flight out to India will cost you around £200. That’s a fifth of your paycheck if you’re not horrible underpaid. You can exchange the remaining £800 for over 70’000 rupees. The average cost to rent a one-bedroom apartment outside of a major city in India is around 7’000 rupees. I mean…you do the math.
I’m going to assume you haven’t done the math. With that spare money you can live in India for at least half a year, in that time you can find a decent job and start balancing the books.
The one down side of this final plan? You’ll never be able to leave. One-way ticket, remember? You’ll never be able to earn enough money to move back home and you’ll be ostracised within a community that doesn’t understand you.