Designer Fashion for Children and 4 More 21st Century Oddities

Why not embrace the hypocrisy of the modern world?


Following up on my previous post (which got slightly out of hand, I’ll admit) – the time has come to embrace the air and nature of the 21st Century. We’ll be heading in to 2017 soon enough and we all need to start engaging in activities befitting our pre-apocalyptic status.

Here are 5 bizarre 21st Century rituals that you must engage in next year, in order to conform with Society as it has become:

Kids Need Expensive and Stylish Clothes

Why leave all the high-end designer clothes for yourself?


There’s never been a better time to invest in designer clothes for kids. The best thing about this new fad is that there’s an endless amount of high-end togs that your child can wear. From Hugo Boss to Karl Lagerfield – your kid could be turning up to the next big birthday party looking like he’s fresh from the fashionable streets of Paris, or just sidling off the plane from LAX. If he’s not wearing the right clothes, there’s every chance that he could be left out in the cold by his friends…

Luxury Jewellery For Dogs

How could you leave your faithful canine companion out?


2017 will be the year of ultimate show-boating. A walk in the park will no longer be as simple as the saying implies. It will entail an intense amount of thought and coordination. The whole family will need to be dressed to impress and that includes the dog. Although celebrities like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears made headlines in the early 00s with pictures of their dogs in Juicy Couture outfits, things have moved on since then. It’s all about 100% genuine diamonds and 24 Carats now – you best get with it.

Multi-Million Dollar Crowdfunding For Video Games

Your money is not best spent on real charities. In the 21st Century, the struggling artist is the new starving 3rd World survivor.


By ‘struggling artist’, I’m not referring to actual artists. The poor individuals still dragging their way through Art School, only to discover that no one cares about paintings anymore and no one wants to see their ‘work with oils’. Video game developers are the people that deserve our spare cash now. Go to Kickstarter next year and donate a few grand to a fledgling games company, ignore the cries of help from Syria and Africa – come to the aid of 3 twenty-something millennial graduates instead.

Raw Foods For Ailing Middle-Class Twenty Somethings

Stop eating like a blood-sucking omnivore and buy a blender.


There’s no way you can hope to live in the pre-apocalyptic world with your current set of lifestyle choices. Stop going to MacDonalds, stop eating meat. Live off vegetables but, for God’s sake, don’t cook them. If you don’t take advantage of the New Year to become a Vegan, then you’ll be left behind by the millions already planning on leaving meat eating in 2016. If you want to fit in and be deemed a moral, upstanding citizen – then you must forgo all processed foods and live by the blender.

Hours Of Time Spent Looking Into Digital Reflections

Never stop gazing at what you were – and what you are becoming.

You must remember to continue recording and documenting your progress through history. How will you remember the day that has passed unless you have a photo, status or post to remember it by? More importantly, how can you hope to instil your living image in the retinas of your faithful followers, if you don’t reveal what you consumed for dinner that day? If you do not share with the world, then you are alone. Abandon your feeds and you will be abandoned, in turn, by humanity.

Take heed of this advice if you plan on remaining socially relevant, or alive, in the coming year. Disregard them at your peril.
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2016 – The End of the World?

There’s a certain grace in accepting defeat.


That’s something that the internet hasn’t quite got a grasp of yet.

In the wake of, what is being dubbed as, ‘the worst year ever’ – millions of drama-thirsty Millennials are gleefully revelling in the tragedy of a dozen high-profile celebrity deaths, two shock results in major referendums and a raft of terrorist attacks.

Are their eagerly posted opinions valid? Has this truly been a year to forget? Or has the proliferation of social networks, post-truth news and internet-speak simply created a homogenised vision of society – understood to be the gospel by the millions of gaping fools, who are too lazy to form their own opinions?

Let’s Not Write-Off 2016 So Soon.

Here are a few things that happened this year to be happy about:

The Music Has Been Stellar

Yes, we lost great legends in David Bowie and Leonard Cohen; but they both went out with a bang, delivering their sharpest records for years.


The People Have Been Heard

The results of the elections this year may well have disastrous implications for the future of our societies, but the people have spoken. The masses are unhappy and the political establishment has paid for it.


We’re All Still Here

If you’re reading this now, that means you’re alive. Congratulations. This has been a violent year overseas – be glad that you’re not a part of those struggles.


Social Networks Are Your Comfort Blanket

The problems and issues that are raging amongst the world are not your problem. The Great British Bake-Off is your world. Pizza is life. Your Insta and Snap accounts mean the world to you.


 Nights Out Are Still Fun

Thank God you’re still young and the world’s problems aren’t yours to solve. All you need to find is some booze and someone to go home with at the end of the night. That’s all you need to be happy.


Why worry about how the past year has been, when there are so many years left to come? Enjoy your life, lose yourself in drink, pop culture and social media. That’s as good as it’s going to get anyway.

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6 Things You Could Do Instead Of Your Boring Retail Job

You hate your retail job, I get it.unhappy emp

You either wake up at an ungodly time in the morning, or you struggle to pull yourself out of bed before noon. Either way, you literally have to force your terribly fitting uniform on and remind yourself constantly, on the way in, that your boring job does not define you.

Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re wrong. If you’re in your twenties and are currently working full-time in a boring retail job – then you are boring.

It can be easy to get trapped in a repetitive cycle. You work, sleep, eat, drink – rinse and repeat. Sometimes you get the order wrong and you’re a little bit drunk in work, but no one cares, because your job is meaningless and anyone can stack shelves (regardless of how many WKDs they had with lunch).

Compiled here are 6 things you could do instead of your boring retail job.

If you’re stuck in a rut and you can feel time slipping through your fingers, why not bet on yourself and take a leap of faith with one of these (only slightly) off-the-wall ideas?

Become An Ebay Wizard

ebaysFounded in 1995, if you haven’t heard of eBay then you don’t deserve the screen you’re reading this on. Throw it on the floor and smash it with a rock. Find a rock on the floor and use that as a phone – you neanderthal.

Anyone can sell anything on eBay. Furniture, books, CDs, electronics. If you’re anything like me, you’ve got at least 20kg of trash that you don’t want but can’t be bothered to throw away. Take that trash and make some money out of it. Take the money you make from the trash and buy some slightly nicer trash to sell for a higher price.

Before you know it, you’ll be an eBay mogul and Pierre Omidyar himself will be asking for your business card.

Buy An Oven Cleaning Franchise

Stop work for the man, man. Go out on your own and buy a franchise from a big corporate business that knows how to make some God damn money.

It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just save up a few months’ paychecks, eat rice and peas until you vomit, then fork out the five grand and get set on your road to riches. Setting up a cleaning business is a sound option. Cleaning is easy, we all know how to do it – and there’s hundreds of punters out there who, like us, really can’t be bothered doing it.

Swallow your pride, along with a basic staple food diet for a few months, and set up your own franchise.

Go On Benefits And Write A Box-Office Smash

johnny deppWho needs a job anyway? Thousands of British people choose to be unemployed every year: at this point it’s essentially a lifestyle choice.

Its a relatively simple, streamlined process to adhere to. Throw your notice in, leave some incriminating evidence in a hated colleague’s locker and burn your uniform. Now, call up the lovely government, they’ll allocate your a Job Seekers helper and you can start your journey to an Academy Award by using the rest of your time to write a jaw-dropping screenplay.

It might take a couple of years to nail down the right concept, finding an agent to represent you might well be a challenge. But it will all be worth in 10 years time when you’re naked in a jacuzzi, slurping down a drug cocktail with Johnny Depp.

Learn How To Code And Become A Games Developer

devCode surely can’t be that hard to learn. Children learn it at school when they’re 6. You’re in your twenties, you might not have learnt anything new since you went through that phase of watching documentaries on Netflix, but you’re no where near ‘old dog’ standards yet.

A whole world of knowledge is at your fingertips (if you hadn’t heard of eBay, then it’s smashed to pieces by your feet), use it! YouTube and Reddit are your friends, as well as your worst enemies in the form of distractions (we’re looking at you cat videos), so get settled in for a long road of learning.

Once you know your CSS from your Unity, and your pixel shaders from your GUIs then its time to design a simple yet effective indie game that takes the Steam Market by storm. Give it time, you’ll get there someday.

Move Back In With Your Parents And Study At The Open University


You can always go home, that’s what they said when you left. Just go back home, its not like any of your mates live around there any more. Mum can make you Sunday lunch, Dad can shout at the television and you can enroll in the Open University and get the degree that will jump start your career.

Take the money you’ve saved from your last three pay checks, and throw it into a last ditch effort to get educated. Do Archaeology, Maths, History – anything.

Once you’ve ‘graduated’ you can start applying for some real jobs, move out, meet the partner of your dreams, settle down, buy a house, get married, have kids, get old and die.

Scratch Enough Money To Travel To India And Work There For The Rest Of Your Life

OK, this is a little out there – but just go with me on this one.

You’re average one-way flight out to India will cost you around £200. That’s a fifth of your paycheck if you’re not horribly underpaid. You can exchange the remaining £800 for over 70’000 rupees. The average cost to rent a one-bedroom apartment outside of a major city in India is around 7’000 rupees. I mean…you do the math.

I’m going to assume you haven’t done the math. With that spare money you can live in India for at least half a year, in that time you can find a decent job and start balancing the books.

The one down side of this final plan? You’ll never be able to leave. One-way ticket, remember? You’ll never be able to earn enough money to move back home and you’ll be ostracised within a community that doesn’t understand you.

But at least you won’t be in your boring retail job.

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4 Modern Day Artists That Rule Supreme

Kanye West

Any conversation about Modern Day artists begins and ends with this man. He’s been an award-winning musician, a laughing stock and a stage invader. Most importantly he’s sold 21 million albums and over 60 million digital singles. Those figures don’t lie.
kanye meme
Couple this commercial success with his groundbreaking work in the world of social media and it’s not hard to see why Yeezus has been at the forefront of the Art Scene for the last 5 years. His inspired self-promotional coups include: marrying celebrity and fellow artiste Kim Kardashian, creating a video game based on his departed Mother’s ascension to Heaven and publicly humiliating Taylor Swift.


A relative newcomer to the world of Art, PewDiePie represents the current generation of enterprising millennials. Using YouTube as a platform, he has popularised the ‘Let’s Play’ format – injecting it with his own brand of offbeat humour and lacing it with his Euro-Americanisms.

With over 47 million subscribers and over 13 billion views, this Swedish 26 year old looks like he’s just about ready to take over the world. With ads and sponsors loading his pockets with internet-money, PewDiePie is taking the next step towards conquering the next growing trend in entertainment: prime time television broadcasting.

Tyrese GibsonTyrese-Green-Lantern-

It might be hard to believe that one of the biggest Hollywood actors on social media is Tyrese Gibson. Whilst he may not have sold as any records as our man Kanye, he’s got over 30 million followers that have put his name in the hat for roles  he would never usually be associated with.
For self-promotion alone, Tyrese makes it on to this list. A shining beacon of hope to every would be Modern Artist. He has proven that even a modicum of talent or good looks aren’t necessary to achieve in the world of Art – all you need to do is keep your Facebook followers happy and the rest will come.

Justin Bieber

One of the very first YouTube stars, the Bieb-Master-General started out garnering popularity using the ‘Suprisingly Good Method’. Simply spend a long time honing naturally gifted musical talents, then present your extraordinary skills to an audience who is completely unaware of your training.

A crafty salesman at heart, Bieber knew if he grew up and developed abdominal muscles, he would be able to appeal to a wider demographic, who could more readily afford his concerts and merchandise. So within the space of what felt like weeks, he aged 5 years and became the teenage heart throb that we all know and love today.

In case you forgot:

Any conversation about Modern Day artists begins and ends with this man.

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5 Tips on How to Make it Big in the Art World

Life as a modern artist can be incredibly hard. Sometimes it can feel like an impossible challenge to gain the public’s attention and make some headway. These 5 tips should give you a nudge in the right direction, getting you out of the gutter and into a penthouse.

1. Don’t be afraid of the mainstream

Most Modern Artists spend their entire formative years attempting to ‘be something different’ or ‘fresh’. They have big, crazy ideas in Art School. Massive plans are formulated off the back of brain-storming sessions with half-starved fellow students – all committed to changing the world of Art. They talk of breaking new ground and smashing boundaries, but they don’t know the price that they will have to pay for their innovation.

My advice to any young artists reading this is: do not be afraid of conforming to the mainstream. Think on your future. Is it preferable to work on projects you believe in, that no one will ever see, over art that anyone can understand and will want to own? Do not underestimate the power of the mainstream.

2. Inject your work with Pop Culture

pnk spidermanFollowing up on this first note, here’s a rock solid tip that will guarantee that your work sells in some capacity. Pop culture is everywhere, baked into the fabric of our conversation – both online and offline. When an average five minute conversation contains at least 2-3 pop cultural references, do you shrug off the pattern and continue to paint daffodils? Or do you switch on your TV, marathon all 9 seasons of The Big Bang Theory and start working on your superhero sketches?

Obviously, if you’re using images copyrighted by the biggest corporations on the planet, then you’re going to run into trouble. So, be smart. Leave out just enough detail to avoid litigation and cash in on the general public’s criminal lack of observation. A misplaced hyphen here, a palette swap there – suddenly you’re looking at a bonafide ‘Spiderm-aan’ print, in his rare pink and yellow outfit, that will make you at least £200 without causing a lawsuit.

3. Take your art to the streets

So many artists believe that if they make great work, then great success will follow. They spend months etching and painting, creating something worthwhile and then watch it slowly gather mould in their living room. The assumption that great art always finds a way to its audience is a myth. In order to make it big with your art you need to get noticed – and there’s only one proven method of doing this. Take it to the streets.

All of the biggest names in art started with taking their work to the streets. By getting your pieces on the pavement and rattling the bucket, you can get live feedback on your work and get your images into people’s minds. Find a pitch early on a Saturday in your local town and get settled down. It can be a long, tough day selling – but it will be worth it. Especially when you’ve cleared out your excess stock and made enough money to feed the meter, so you can watch that new Netflix series that everyone’s talking about.

4. Invest in Internet Marketing

Once you’ve ejected your outdated paintings and canvases, you’ll be sitting on a bit of cash – with some real buzz going round your town about your work. Now is the time to capitalise on your brief modicum of notoriety. Set yourself up a website like this one (but not this one, otherwise I will find you) and get your name and brand out there as soon as possible. Right now, you’ve sold all your work and all you have is enough money to buy a domain, host a site and pay an internet marketing company.

There’s no point having a website to advertise yourself, unless consumers can find you there. Make sure you pay someone to make you findable online. There are endless reams of companies, both small and large, that can give you the boost you need to be placed above your competitors. My personal favourites are a Liverpool SEO Company that will go unnamed (find your own help!). As long as you have someone on your side who knows the internet, you’ll be able to move on to my final tip on how to make it Big in the Art World.

5. Monetise and Merchandisestar wars stationery

What’s the point in making art if you can’t make money from it? Now that your art appeals to a mainstream audience, is interspersed with cultural references and your brand is known locally and across the internet – its time to get off your backside and start making some real money! Now, if you’re still considering committing to three huge paintings a year that may or may not sell, think again. Take our ‘Spiderm-aan’ example, he’s resonating with your street consumers and now he’s making a splash online.

Would it be easier to smash out endless meticulous painted prints or would it be easier to pay a Chinese manufacturer a couple hundred quid to take your design and print it on pencil cases, lunch boxes, pillows or t-shirts? I know what you’re thinking:

“But I just spent my last £200 on electricity, Netflix and Deliveroo!”

Well that’s where borrowing money comes in. The old saying ‘You’ve got to spend money to make money’, is as true as ever. However, now it has an important prefix:

‘You’ve got to borrow money, to spend money, to make money.’

Don’t be afraid to go to your family or friends. They knew it would be like this at some point, you’re a struggling, passionate young artist who will be making a difference with every Spiderm-aan branded sock, tablet case and swimming bag sold.

So what are you doing just reading this blog? Get out there and change your life! Join me in becoming a 21st Century Artist, try out my tips, make it big and reap the dividends.

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Art in the 21st Century

We are living in the 21st Century, where the artists and performers of our time live half of their lives in bytes and bits – digitised for a generation of post-millennial YouTubers.

In order for Modern Artists, such as myself, to survive and flourish in this environment of immediacy; we need to adapt. No longer can we be restricted by the physical realms of our medium. Paintings take too long to create and seconds to look at. Sculpture is all variations on the human form and nobody goes to the theatre anymore.

In order to stay relevant in this, the modern age of our time, it is necessary for us to take some drastic measures. As a reaction to this shift in demand, it has become apparent that I need to make some changes to the way I produce my work. My first change? I will be recalling all of my artwork and copies from retailers and galleries. My work should no longer be trapped by their non-ephemeral nature.

All major art galleries and gift shops will have to return their works of mine. I understand there is a large collection of my original paintings on display in a major Cornish art centre, I’m afraid I will have to recall every single piece. All keyrings, postcards, pencils, pencil cases AND pencil erasers will be returned to my home address – I will ensure that all articles are promptly destroyed.

sad painterWhat’s more, I will be ceasing production of all my current works. The painting is a dead art form. No one paints, and no one wants to see paintings. So why paint?

I will be taking my creative prowess out of the physical world and into the virtual. The digital canvases I hang, will no longer sit in a long forgotten Cornish Gallery often mistaken for a Gift Shop. My online work will be there for all to see, forever. Where artists can be truly free.

The people of the 21st Century have spoken and what they want are GIFs, Memes, Snapchats, Tweets, and Viddies. Produced as fast as they are consumed. They don’t realise it, but they are artists already. Their images, words and sounds – connected with a comment or spree of debate. All of these pieces are messages sent to elicit an emotional response.

In this Wild West of creativity and social media, the idea of ownership has gone. Warner Bros. don’t own Citizen Kane – we all do. In fact, that cultural reference is a little outdated. It would be more apt to say Universal Pictures don’t own the rights to Despicable Me 2 – we all do. For all media is one and the same, some is just a little more relevant than others.

inspirational-quotes-7From the producers of big-budget motion pictures to the writers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan-fiction. All of these zeroes and ones; bytes and terabytes, have the same value in the mind of the modern consumer.

A giant tapestry, shifting and shimmering – interwoven with streams and torrents of singing people, spoken words and moving images. This will be the new home of my artwork. Among the myriad of achievements and fails that comprise human progress.

I hope to add to this rich network with a new form of art that will challenge notions of both form and structure.

What better way to innovate than with a personal blog, written in the first person, interspersed with pictures of cats, videos of extreme sports and inspirational quotes?

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