Designer Fashion for Children and 4 More 21st Century Oddities

Why not embrace the hypocrisy of the modern world?

dog-jewellery

Following up on my previous post (which got slightly out of hand, I’ll admit) – the time has come to embrace the air and nature of the 21st Century. We’ll be heading in to 2017 soon enough and we all need to start engaging in activities befitting our pre-apocalyptic status.

Here are 5 bizarre 21st Century rituals that you must engage in next year, in order to conform with Society as it has become:

Kids Need Expensive and Stylish Clothes

Why leave all the high-end designer clothes for yourself?

kid-fasion

There’s never been a better time to invest in designer clothes for kids. The best thing about this new fad is that there’s an endless amount of high-end togs that your child can wear. From Hugo Boss to Karl Lagerfield – your kid could be turning up to the next big birthday party looking like he’s fresh from the fashionable streets of Paris, or just sidling off the plane from LAX. If he’s not wearing the right clothes, there’s every chance that he could be left out in the cold by his friends…


Luxury Jewellery For Dogs

How could you leave your faithful canine companion out?

dog-jewls

2017 will be the year of ultimate show-boating. A walk in the park will no longer be as simple as the saying implies. It will entail an intense amount of thought and coordination. The whole family will need to be dressed to impress and that includes the dog. Although celebrities like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears made headlines in the early 00s with pictures of their dogs in Juicy Couture outfits, things have moved on since then. It’s all about 100% genuine diamonds and 24 Carats now – you best get with it.


Multi-Million Dollar Crowdfunding For Video Games

Your money is not best spent on real charities. In the 21st Century, the struggling artist is the new starving 3rd World survivor.

vr

By ‘struggling artist’, I’m not referring to actual artists. The poor individuals still dragging their way through Art School, only to discover that no one cares about paintings anymore and no one wants to see their ‘work with oils’. Video game developers are the people that deserve our spare cash now. Go to Kickstarter next year and donate a few grand to a fledgling games company, ignore the cries of help from Syria and Africa – come to the aid of 3 twenty-something millennial graduates instead.


Raw Foods For Ailing Middle-Class Twenty Somethings

Stop eating like a blood-sucking omnivore and buy a blender.

raw-vegan

There’s no way you can hope to live in the pre-apocalyptic world with your current set of lifestyle choices. Stop going to MacDonalds, stop eating meat. Live off vegetables but, for God’s sake, don’t cook them. If you don’t take advantage of the New Year to become a Vegan, then you’ll be left behind by the millions already planning on leaving meat eating in 2016. If you want to fit in and be deemed a moral, upstanding citizen – then you must forgo all processed foods and live by the blender.


Hours Of Time Spent Looking Into Digital Reflections

Never stop gazing at what you were – and what you are becoming.

You must remember to continue recording and documenting your progress through history. How will you remember the day that has passed unless you have a photo, status or post to remember it by? More importantly, how can you hope to instil your living image in the retinas of your faithful followers, if you don’t reveal what you consumed for dinner that day? If you do not share with the world, then you are alone. Abandon your feeds and you will be abandoned, in turn, by humanity.


Take heed of this advice if you plan on remaining socially relevant, or alive, in the coming year. Disregard them at your peril.

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